-meself-

(sementara tunggu hujan berenti...)

but…can i?

er…do i?

em…i fell in love on construction by following my dad to construction site…almost bridge, that's why i loved bridge and calatrava…and i supposed to love structures and physics…but i do hate them…i loved chemistry…and building construction…and the beauty of drawing…

…day by day…
…month by month…
…year by years…

…and i realized that i cant do engineering because i dont wanna see ‘them’. i wanna ‘create’ something that people can see…can feel…and loved…i dont know what ‘architecture’ is about before i got into this…i do not know anything,what do they do…who are they…even ‘what’ are they…i just know,they do drawings…drawings…drawings…i dont know about designing…i just know how to express what i want, or what they want in other way…i was dreaming that i have my own spaces…my little-compact-living…i dream of it till now…

…i do photography. when i was a kid, i finished a roll of 36 in a day…just taking photos. anything…nowadays,my dream come true(welcome Triban!:D ) and i got more than 7Gb (about 4k pics!) in a month! And i'm a collector too. hehehe…my mom always ‘blabbering’ because i like to collected anything that i think its got value…dunno.its like photography…something you freeze the memory on things…

…i do making souvenirs. i always do when i got feel wanna give someone a special gift…even though i dont have anyone special that time…even ‘fren’…or ‘bestfren’…i dun have one =) …i just got myself…and family…well,people always said; kawan ketawa senang dapat, kawan menangis susah nak jumpa…now ive getting too busy on work *sigh*...

by now…i realized. i have to be independent…be myself only for myself and family…i likes to make peoples happy. and i know my ability…i have to make it real…make it tough…i have to turn it into reality, spaces…

..but i cant…i know my limits. i cant manage, i cant faced people, i cant makes people believe in me. i cant speak…i can express it, not present it…i can only work on backstage…

…what is my goal?see me in 5 years forward…where am i?

…i don’t know…always peeking in my mind…sigh*


(akhirnya...hujan tetap tak mau aku balik T_T)