-birus-

Another lousy week.

-life-

The Crib.

-9 years-

Lunar 15


It came again.
The 'feeling' that I don't ever like it in this situation.
All of sudden...why it didn't finished
a long time ago?
Is it a sign? Or another 'test' for me?
The blues come again.

-badasheet-

*Allahu'akhbar*
Why did I don't have any confident in myself?
*darn it!*

Seeing people who can talk,
But can't do,
Seeing people who can't talk,
But can do.
Me?

I see I can't talk,
and can't do either.
Is it really me?

I can fixed thing,
create something,
which that I don't believe people would agree.
And I afraid most to know what people think.

Oh my.
Seems like,
I do really care what people think,
Isn't it?
What should I do...

-drift-

Harus bagaimana lagi
Dan terus begini
Dengarkan aku
Lihat ke mataku

Cukup sudah kau menghukum
Salahku tetap salahku
Benarkan ku berbicara
Agar bisa pulih semua

Namun harus sampai bila
Kau kan diam seribu bahasa

***

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Saat mata terpejam
Hanya kau ku terbayang
Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku

Saat mata terbuka
Kamulah yang pertama
Tak mampu aku
Bayangkan
Hidup tanpa dirimu

***

Aku memang bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Dan tapi dah ku sedari
Segala perit kau lalui
Ku terlupa kau terluka

Dan memang selalu
Aku bersalah
Selalu saja mengabaikan mu
Meninggalkan mu
Dan tetapi itulah aku sedari
Segala perit yang kau lalui
Kerna diriku yang terus hanyut

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila kau tak di sisi
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

-cocoon-

Pagi itu...

"Muhamad Annas Ahmad Sabaruddin - Muhammad Najib Shahrom, Je Azrar, Fiqa Amyra, Koo Muhammad, Meg D Reid, Assikeen Abu Bakar - borang utk melanjutkn pelajaran dah keluar... isilah..."

Oh, akhirnya. Dah boleh isi borang dah. Yeay....


Satu setengah jam kemudian...'Apsal pulak slow gila ni?' merungut dalam hati. Agaknya memang tengah peak gila kot. Maklumlah, berebut-rebut orang nak masuk, murah katanya. Kesianla golongan sederhana seperti kami ni...Tak pelah, petang-petang sikit boleh lagi. Lagipun ade lagi sebulan mase nak isi. Ade ape hal?

Well...sepanjang petang, pun tak boleh-boleh jugak. Akhirnya aku melepaskan geram dengan mengetap gigi sebab nak menghambur kata-kata kesat kang sia-sia ja puasa aku. Sambil berlalu menuju ke bazaar depan PKNS, aku berjalan kaki kearah pesta nafsu tersebut. Bukan nak beli, saja amek bau dan menghilangkan diri dalam kesesakan.

Malam itu seperti biasa selepas teraweh. Nak sambung movie petang tadi tak sempat abeskan. Aku hampir tak endah langsung pasal application interview ni. Terlupa terus. Dah nak tido, terbaca balik wall post Renghos..."Ape kate saje-saje test...tak dapek ni memang aku tido jelaa..." getus dalam hati. Setelah beberapa kali cubaan, patutla memula tadi tak boleh akses, rupenye kene daftar pengguna baru,hahaaa...Mukasurat demi mukasurat, aku leka mengisi borang sambil menepuk dahi sebab semua sijil aku ada kat opis daa...takpe,boleh semak tiga kali...so, dalam pada nak abes isi...timbul satu perasaan berdebar-debar, macam perasaan mula-mula aku nampak signboard uitm seri iskandar kat Gopeng time nak register part 1 dulu. Huishhhh~ apesal pulak time-time cenggini nak berdebar-debar pulak nih???

Lama jugak aku melayang jauh. Betul ke ni, aku isi borang apply Ijazah ni? Tiba-tiba kepala aku menerjah ke zaman kegagalan matriks dulu,nak apply diploma sikit punya susah dengan result SPM yang so-so... Dan sekarang, nak sambung Ijazah Sarjana Senibina (kononnya nak tukar Master, pehhh). Tak sangka dah ke tahap ni. Dan debaran makin memuncak. Betul ke aku nak sambung ni? Betul ke aku dah bersedia? Loan, mental, pengalaman, ilmu, attitude... Kacau...kacau... Takut, seram, cuak, menggelabah, debor, tak sedap badan, sume ade...

Tak sedar aku dah tekan butang 'Hantar'. Ok. Baik aku tido daripada serabut, buang karan ye tak? Seperti biasa port kegemaran dibelakang rumah sambil melihat bintang samar-samar dibungkus dek kepulan awan. Dalam pada dok menyesakkan peparu, datang ilham dari mana punca tak tahulah. Jiwa semakin telus. 'Oh, I like it!' sambil tersenyum, aku baru tersedar bahawa aku mempunyai tempat mengadu. Alhamdulillah~rasanya dah nampak langkah-langkah yang harus dimulakan. Bulan baik ini, aku berusaha meyakinkan diri. Kerana 'aku' sekarang bukan lagi 'aku' 2 tahun yang lepas! Berusahalah! Mulakan cabaran baru!

-malfunction-

-bye-

manusia…bilakah akan mati?


Adakah ketika jantung ditembusi peluru?


Adakah ketika menghidap penyakit yang tidak dapat dirawat?


Adakah ketika meminum sup cendawan yang beracun?


...Sebenarnya...


...ketika diabaikan orang ramai...

-black 'N' red-

1998; When I first time fell in love with 'her'. I don't know why,but it's like love-at-first-sight. As I remember, it was during Commonwealth Sport 98. Ah~it's just a dream wont come true for me...

2000; I just passed a life zone, and a lot of influenced came to me...but I just miss 'her'...

2002; After years, I still love 'her'. I still cant forget about 'her'. Someday, I felt jealous with my classmate, who got it from his birthday gift. Jealous wont made me get to 'her'...
2004...I just can saw 'her' from far...

2006...I just can feel 'her' soul...

2008...I just can be with 'her' for a moment...
2010...and today, it went a history of my life...after 12 years waiting. After being ashamed by sang keriangandunia(asshole...) at Lutfi's wedding,I went out to KLCC after got confirmation from daddy for cancellation to attend his friend's wedding. Without planned anything, I just take my ass off to city center...alone. And I know this day will come...welcome to my life, my dearest left-hand's best-friend!

setelah setengah tahun pakai jam mati...sexy~~~:D

=)

-tajuk pun belum sempat pikir-

May...bulan yang agak sibuk(hujung minggula)
May...bulan yang bersejarah(ye ke?)
May...xpernah lagi aku dengar lagu dari kumpulam May bulan ni(hmmm..)
May...bulan yang banyak modal
May...bulan yang aku dapat part-time job setelah lama menyepi....dan secara tiba-tiba aku mendapat panggilan...job cancel pulak.chantek.rezeki melepas tatkala aku belum habis mengarang.aiyaayayayayayayyyyyyyy~~~terus takda idea...

-finding-

Yeah...one of the problem is...






You can't express yourself DIRECTLY, am I right?






Is it a problem?

-confused-

"Just another day"...I said to myself. I would like to went out for a walk, or balik kampung rather than sitting in front of my pc..

My father went out for an outstation at Kota Kinabalu, Sabah today... Site visit for sure, another school will rises there I think. Thats mean, I will have to bring my brother to school everyday since my father's left...aiyaa~another schedule maa...so lazy~~~

Hmm...now there is fruit seasons. Every weekends my parents will hangout at the dusun at Lenggeng, Negeri Sembilan. Whoa, I don't remember when the last time I spent my time at kampong....really missed it. Yeah, it's time for hardworking like the past time. Menebas, korek longkang, gali parit, tebang pokok, durian hunt, kait rambutan, menyauk ikan....aaaaa~ok, next weekend I'll coming =)

Hurm...kerja-kerja-kerja. Who wants to employing me? I'm not a graduate student...because I have another subject to clear. Dissertation,hahahaa...why? Heheee...its a long story mate~ I went to my office this evening, after rushing pakcik posmen at post office Bandar Baru Bangi. Yeah, a little scary to faced big boss Norman. Sooooo~~~scary I told you. Whew...the first thing out from his mouth...

" KO GRAD KE TAK???"


....God! Help me out!!!!....

Oh my.....oh my....oh myyyy.....I feels like want to jump over the window. S**t~

...I can't lie...
...I can't lie...
...I can't lie...

...Only God knows how I feels about that time. His 'aura' still amazing & scared my soul. What a boss... What ever it is, I have to confess later with En.Azmiza. He's my best buddy@tutor at NEA. Today I just sitting at pantry, laughing and joking with the rest of the staff, Nik, Harith, Budin, Sopi and En.Fuad. They all still 'crazy' with the term "main-main.." and "roger"...hahaha. Missed them so much. En.Azmiza and Ikhwan was not there because they went to PAM office for submitting a PAM competition. The Panorama by NEA...

The Panorama - after 3d rendering+photoshop
(I did it when semester break pt.07)

Well, later on En.Azmiza arrived...and he ask me so much question about working here. I can't do anything accept 'pasrah semata-mata',hahaa....too long I keep it secret,and now its revealed...can't do anything mate...What happened? He 'beleber' to me and show his frustration..." Ko ni main-mainla...", " Aku dengar ko nak keje tempat lain...", " Baik ko cepat, Norman nak amek pekerja pompuan ni...kang melepas"...I've been threatened! My God... Whatever it is, I have to slow talk with Norman. Ape nak jadi, jadilaaa...

Because of a book I'd borrowed from NEA, I forgot to balik kampong...aiyaa~really drag me into a 'confusing situation' today. I was wondering...if he take that girl, what will happened to me...?

...*dead meat*....